I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
