I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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