She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
