I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
