Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
