some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Randomize