He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
