Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he thought i was a dude.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize