So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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