I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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