I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize