just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
