Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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