You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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