apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
