So drunk its hurt
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
