So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize