if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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