...so i touched it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
