If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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