apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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