my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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