im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
