I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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