Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
