This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
