dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
