so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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