I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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