Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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