I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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