He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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