apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
