Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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