I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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