It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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