you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
