my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
