Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
