the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
