Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Someone signed my nipple.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
