i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
