just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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