there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
