someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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