And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
