....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
