We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
