First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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