Your tits are I can't wait for
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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