Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He better not be in your backpack
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
