I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
