Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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