I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize