Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
