On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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