youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
