So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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