I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
