Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize