I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
