I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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