Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I got inside last night via doggy door
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
