I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
