well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
