Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
