clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
