please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
