My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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