she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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