I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
operation harelip BJ is a go
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
