Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
