Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
