His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
