the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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