If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
