It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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