so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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