On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
