but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
