i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
