I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize