I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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