Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
