Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
