I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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