i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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