me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I could fuck to npr.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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